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going from darkness to light
Hello, All. My name is Ella Star. I am an ordained minister, life coach, channel reader, intuitive, Reiki Master, Karuna Ki Master, and medium, and I live my purpose every day. I would like to briefly share with you how I got to living in the light and sharing the light with all that cross my path. I will do my best to not go into too much detail and to keep my story as brief as possible. Please know that if there is anything you want to know more about I am open to questions; just go to my contact page and reach out.
I will say that one thing I have learned on this path is that the darker your past was, the brighter your light is in your work. What you experience in life is a part of what your purpose is; we live and walk our purpose no matter if we are aware of it or not. I am hoping that by me sharing some of my history with you, you will find inspiration and courage to step onto your light path and know you’re worth doing this for. Okay, so here we go...
Just like many others, I have had and am still working through abandonment and trust issues, which started at the ripe young age of three. My parents were divorced by then, and my dad was… well… let’s just say he did have not much of a fatherly bone in his body. Fast forward to when I was fourteen/fifteen years old. By this time, my father, for the first time since I was five or six, was talking to me again. During this time, he introduced me to smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, and drinking--all in the same summer. And so my self destruction really began. Now keep in mind that I was already having a hard time with finding my sense of belonging as I didn't feel I belonged at home or anywhere. My mom was re-married, and let’s just say that I didn't have the healthiest relationship with my step-father. So when my father started talking to me again, I really thought I might have found my place, and I finally found a way to escape from my reality. During that same year, I experienced my first rape by a family member, which would be the first of five. I was walking numb or dead, depending on one’s view. Now while all of this was going on, I was seeing spirits, but they were more like demons, which makes sense given where I was at and what I am meant for. However, in the moment, seeing them scared me, and it was too much. They would come after me and hurt me. At times, it felt like they were trying to kill me until one day I just prayed and prayed for it to stop and it did, so I thought. It turns out that just because you can't see them doesn't mean you don't feel them. I didn't realize until much later that some of my anger, depression, and anxiety wasn't just all me: I was feeling other people and spirits. Of course since I didn't have that knowledge, I then began cutting myself, using harder drugs, and even attempted suicide. Fast forward again to when I was eighteen/nineteen years old. By this time, I was weighing eighty lbs. I began to see I had a problem. When I voiced this, I was alone. No one was seeing me, just what they wanted to see. So I got clean on my own, which was hard and exhausting. Honestly, I believe God/Divine made sure I survived it; otherwise, I don't think I would have. So yay! I was sober. Now what? Well, no one really talks about what happens when you get sober. All the years of emotions that you've been numbing come rushing over you, and all the problems you had prior and during are there and bigger, and you have no tools what so ever to work through them and overcome them. So needless to say, I fell of the wagon a few times.
What got me to get clean and stay clean were my first child; reading the Celestine Prophecies; and attending the Freedom Course, which provided me tools and insight on and about me. Around the age of twenty-two, I was beginning to see light in my life. I still had issues and problems, but now I had a new way of viewing things.
Fast forward to the start of my really embracing the light. I was twenty-seven/twenty-eight years old. My mother-in-law called and asked me if I heard about Reiki. My response was "What’s a Reiki?" She proceeded to share with me her experience in being Reiki attuned. Every bone and cell in my being felt this intense pull to become Reiki attuned, so I became Reiki attuned, which started it all for me. (For those who are unaware, Reiki is a form of energy healing--more info on my description page.)(click here) Reiki really pushed through a lot of things I had been struggling with. One was what is my purpose, how do I forgive, etc. Reiki may not have had all the answers; however, it had many. I began to understand energy and how sensitive I really am, and Reiki helped me to release some baggage of resentment, if you will, that I had been holding onto for years. It taught me about chakras and guided me to become a life coach so that I could counsel others. Over the years, I have unlocked more of my potential and gifts. I am now able to walk with my head high without shame, without regrets. I have been able to forgive those who were a part of my path by showing me pain. I'm able to recognize now that all that had happened was meant to, for if I didn't experience it, I wouldn't be able to be this guiding light now. I am able to see things in a different way, a more empowering way. Continuing to embrace my light, be a guiding light, overcome my past and my current challenges takes a lot of self-work and reflection. I see now how worth doing the work is. I share my experiences and knowledge not for pity but for inspiration to let you know that you’re not alone. You too can embrace your light and empower yourself in such a way to find peace. I will be with you as you take your steps. I am proud of my past. I am proud of who I have become, and as long as you’re ready to make changes in your life in a way that is honoring and more serving to you, then you too can have a life of which you can be proud, knowing your past is a part of what made you to be the amazing bright, light person you are today.
Embrace you. You are worth it!
I will say that one thing I have learned on this path is that the darker your past was, the brighter your light is in your work. What you experience in life is a part of what your purpose is; we live and walk our purpose no matter if we are aware of it or not. I am hoping that by me sharing some of my history with you, you will find inspiration and courage to step onto your light path and know you’re worth doing this for. Okay, so here we go...
Just like many others, I have had and am still working through abandonment and trust issues, which started at the ripe young age of three. My parents were divorced by then, and my dad was… well… let’s just say he did have not much of a fatherly bone in his body. Fast forward to when I was fourteen/fifteen years old. By this time, my father, for the first time since I was five or six, was talking to me again. During this time, he introduced me to smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, and drinking--all in the same summer. And so my self destruction really began. Now keep in mind that I was already having a hard time with finding my sense of belonging as I didn't feel I belonged at home or anywhere. My mom was re-married, and let’s just say that I didn't have the healthiest relationship with my step-father. So when my father started talking to me again, I really thought I might have found my place, and I finally found a way to escape from my reality. During that same year, I experienced my first rape by a family member, which would be the first of five. I was walking numb or dead, depending on one’s view. Now while all of this was going on, I was seeing spirits, but they were more like demons, which makes sense given where I was at and what I am meant for. However, in the moment, seeing them scared me, and it was too much. They would come after me and hurt me. At times, it felt like they were trying to kill me until one day I just prayed and prayed for it to stop and it did, so I thought. It turns out that just because you can't see them doesn't mean you don't feel them. I didn't realize until much later that some of my anger, depression, and anxiety wasn't just all me: I was feeling other people and spirits. Of course since I didn't have that knowledge, I then began cutting myself, using harder drugs, and even attempted suicide. Fast forward again to when I was eighteen/nineteen years old. By this time, I was weighing eighty lbs. I began to see I had a problem. When I voiced this, I was alone. No one was seeing me, just what they wanted to see. So I got clean on my own, which was hard and exhausting. Honestly, I believe God/Divine made sure I survived it; otherwise, I don't think I would have. So yay! I was sober. Now what? Well, no one really talks about what happens when you get sober. All the years of emotions that you've been numbing come rushing over you, and all the problems you had prior and during are there and bigger, and you have no tools what so ever to work through them and overcome them. So needless to say, I fell of the wagon a few times.
What got me to get clean and stay clean were my first child; reading the Celestine Prophecies; and attending the Freedom Course, which provided me tools and insight on and about me. Around the age of twenty-two, I was beginning to see light in my life. I still had issues and problems, but now I had a new way of viewing things.
Fast forward to the start of my really embracing the light. I was twenty-seven/twenty-eight years old. My mother-in-law called and asked me if I heard about Reiki. My response was "What’s a Reiki?" She proceeded to share with me her experience in being Reiki attuned. Every bone and cell in my being felt this intense pull to become Reiki attuned, so I became Reiki attuned, which started it all for me. (For those who are unaware, Reiki is a form of energy healing--more info on my description page.)(click here) Reiki really pushed through a lot of things I had been struggling with. One was what is my purpose, how do I forgive, etc. Reiki may not have had all the answers; however, it had many. I began to understand energy and how sensitive I really am, and Reiki helped me to release some baggage of resentment, if you will, that I had been holding onto for years. It taught me about chakras and guided me to become a life coach so that I could counsel others. Over the years, I have unlocked more of my potential and gifts. I am now able to walk with my head high without shame, without regrets. I have been able to forgive those who were a part of my path by showing me pain. I'm able to recognize now that all that had happened was meant to, for if I didn't experience it, I wouldn't be able to be this guiding light now. I am able to see things in a different way, a more empowering way. Continuing to embrace my light, be a guiding light, overcome my past and my current challenges takes a lot of self-work and reflection. I see now how worth doing the work is. I share my experiences and knowledge not for pity but for inspiration to let you know that you’re not alone. You too can embrace your light and empower yourself in such a way to find peace. I will be with you as you take your steps. I am proud of my past. I am proud of who I have become, and as long as you’re ready to make changes in your life in a way that is honoring and more serving to you, then you too can have a life of which you can be proud, knowing your past is a part of what made you to be the amazing bright, light person you are today.
Embrace you. You are worth it!
copyright 2016 by Noelle Durham